Spiral
I am BORED, being homebound for the last three days. I've cleaned the house, did the laundry, bathed the kids, watched movies, read... what else is there left to do.

I don't think I'll enjoy the role of a homemaker much. Bummer. And I thought I'd marry into a royal family and be tended to day in day out.

That being said, my life is officially spiralling into oblivion. Need to inject some excitement in me life! I need a vacation baaad...

Me needs to get me butt back in skool, dats wot! Skool... hmm...

Iqra'
Recent Purchase: Struggling To Surrender by Jeffrey Lang.

Lang is an associate professor in the Department of Mathematics at the University of Kansas, who converted to Islam in the early 1980s.

Religious accounts and anecdotes written by converts fascinate me. I guess in a way, I am trying to deepen my own understanding of Islam through a different viewpoint. Converts (more specifically of Christian or Jewish background) have a way of inquiring if not questioning, the Islamic faith to feed their earlier curiosity, whereas Muslims born into the faith accept the dogmas unconditionally.

Being born into Islam, I can safely vouch that the majority of young Muslims take for granted the intricacies of the Islamic faith, myself included. In the world we live in today, where "sacred" and "secular" are segragated and separate entities, it becomes a convenient avenue for the young ones to get disoriented.

So my point is, and I do have one (heh), it awes me a great deal knowing how much more pious converts are as a result, more so than some Muslims born into the religion; again, for example, yours truly.

On that note, I shall end this entry with the very first revelation to the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh); for the most part, as a reminder to myself of my purpose in this life God has blessed me with.

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Compassionate

Read, in the name of your Lord, who created - created man from a tiny thing that clings. Read, for your Lord is the Most Bountiful, who taught [man] the use of the pen, taught man what he did not know. No, truly, man is rebellious, seeing himself as independent. Surely unto your Lord is the return. (96:1-8)

Me & Him
The day started in the gutter. But it got better. And then developed into a terrific high.

And now it's a slow descent - as can be expected, at one o'clock in the morning.

The guys were great. All my troubles seemed distant, if not completely vanished. Had dinner at Mas-Ayu, then tea at Coffee Club (heh).

(But...)

So now here's the deal, Missy.

Come off your high and get off your bum. It's just you and Him now.

You and Him.

Anything else in between is your reward.

Time
Counting down the days... as age catches up.

At this juncture, what counts most is not the years I've lived nor how much I've achieved. Instead of letting the list grow, my numbers are actually receding.

I'm talking about the number of days I have left in this life. With every minute that goes by, my life shortens.

Have I invested enough for life hereafter? Have I done enough to even save myself?

No, I have not.

Time is running out.

Will you shine with nur, Deana?

Or will you face your Creator devoid of amal soleh?

Islamica II
Since the unfortunate event of 9/11 and the following pre-emptive strikes on Afghanistan, I've refused to read the newspapers and watch the news, or any current affairs programmes for that matter. The 24/7 coverage by Fox TV aired on our local Channel News Asia of the so-called War Against Terror repulsed me further.

Then came the occupation of Iraq, and I knew that it was my cue to throw in the towel. Where a few years ago I would have vented, this time I could only manage a praise to God Almighty, with resignation. SubhanAllah, if this is a test for all mankind, then so be it.

Last year, I discovered Islamica. Islamica is a quarterly publication having its business address in Los Angeles, USA. "Islamica aims to broaden perspectives on Islam... while establishing cross-cultural relations between Muslims... and co-religionists..." The fact that this publication, among other things, takes me on an insight journey through the rubbles of the Middle East and still offer a standpoint of the "opposing" side, deserves my respect all the more.

I was reading Jibril Hambel's article In The Shuffling Madness in the bus on my way to work this morning. One year went by after the long awaited "freedom" of the Iraqis. Jibril Hambel returned to Iraq only to find the country and its people in limbo between heaven and hell. I couldn't help but get choked up inside at the end of it.

Here I leave the last paragraphs of the article.

"...There were others I had met on previous visits who showed up and there were some who had just disappeared from sight. This trip taught me two lessons: I had learned from previous visits to pick up a few rolls of film just for the old gang; developing them at a one hour shop. I noticed the photos were treated with more respect and value than money and that everyone wanted the pictures of themselves, not of their friends and acquaintences.

Someone took this photo of me. I matter.

The other lesson was not to make such a big deal of hellos and goodbyes in an Iraq where time seems to stand still and only the state of being disintegrates.

This time when I left, we all hung on to the age old trick of skipping goodbyes in favour of "see you later." It's easier that way..." (Islamica, Issue 12, Spring 2005)

May He have mercy upon us to confront the atrocities in the remaining days of this life. And may He favour us with redha throughout our journey towards Him in the next. Amen.